Dazed and Confused

Sometimes I feel like I need those glasses...the ones that make things clear. Did I ever have them?...are they lost or not yet found? Really, are they...I can't help but say that I just don't understand...I just don't...understand...I am getting a new car, a new apartment...a new life??? and my patience is growing...the rolling eyes now make me laugh instead of agitated...the things that annoy me become a new challenge and every day I love to keep busier and busier because I have become a bit of a workaholic....and I'm paid for half of it ;). I think I like this because none of it actually feels like work. This may mean that I'm doing the right thing. Well I hope so because that would mean that I have one thing sorted in my crazy life. My crazy but incredibly fortunate life. There are so many things to figure out..and yet I am already 23. In some ways I want to be back under that deck again 10 years ago when I had my first kiss and then ate the candy cane shaped like a ring. After playing in the snow in those boots that you gave me where we were innocent, or sort of, and even the mere touch of feet sent shivers up my spine. It is not that first kiss or the person from it that I want but instead the time frame. To love without cynicism and jadedness...to trust that people can really love you forever...instead of wondering whether everything I have been led to believe is a lie.......................................................................................................................................................................................................?